Letting go...a video by Susan Komer
Letting go is a video I made as one more expression of how I'm dealing with a past of pain and abuse. In the video I burn a manuscript, my manuscript, that I had written 12 years ago. The manuscript walks through my story yet I keep this story my own by not using the manuscript directly. My first thought was to shoot this at night, and then I decided upon the dawn because I thought as I begin a new phase of my own recovery, so to the day was dawning anew.
I opted to write out my thoughts rather than speaking for the same reason I tipped the camera just slightly off angle. The point was to provide a bit of privacy for myself as well as allowing individuals to connect themselves more personally to the piece.
The only editing was to combine the two videos into one, to fade in the beginning and out the end, as well as providing a title page.
My thoughts on presenting this piece are to present in a classroom type environment. I feel this is important because it has been through the past two years of my higher education where I've found both the strength and the ability to move beyond a past full of pain and into the life that has been awaiting me to join it. I also feel that one story, can affect many...hopefully this one will help guide the masses.
The biggest surprise to me...I'm still digesting the scene, the moment, myself. I had expected to get quite emotional, possibly even enraged by the act. Instead I found myself empowered and somehow validated by revealing to the world what up until now had been kept secret. And each time I watch the video I can feel new emotions coming forward, as if each day allows even more growth and less pain.
The most interesting thing I've discovered. SILENCE...when I first posted the work in progress video blog, I thought there would at least be some kind of response...good or bad...just something. But it's just like I had told my class...people are so uncomfortable with the topic itself...I don't think they even realize how their silence almost re-victimizes the victim. Throughout my life I've battled that negative social silence, feeling even more and more silenced by it. At this point the silence doesn't disturb me...but my curiosity about why does.
In the future I'd like to further experiment with that silence in different ways to see if I might be able to somehow break through it...as I refuse to be a social outcast any longer for an issue I was not responsible for. If anyone should feel shame...let it be the abuser/abusers...not the survivor. Hopefully this will be the beginning of breaking down those walls of silence for myself and others who have traveled down this similar path due to no choice of their own.
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